Patience is key...

   On Wednesday it’ll be 4 months since I’ve taken my last dance class.  I know I know…I’ve been taking hip hop.  I mean technical dance class.  Where I point my feet, turn, jump and land with ease.  I miss that.  I can’t even imagine landing on my left foot.  It’s like led.  I drag it around everywhere.  I’ve been saying that I need to become a badass hip-hop dancer in order to continue my career. I don’t know if I’ll be able to point my foot again.  But I’ll stop being negative.  That’s not the purpose of this post.  I’m human.  I need a little wallowing time.

   On the flip side, I’m doing some incredible things.  I’ve continued to take class on Saturday and dance.  I need to make a few adjustments to the steps, but in general I can move pretty fast and proficiently.  I amaze myself.   My business has never been better at work.  I love the clients I work with and they have stuck by me through this whole process.  Seeing familiar faces of friends and members at the gym everyday has really helped my recovery.  Everyone’s rooting for me.  So I need to push it.  Every single day.  I do my exercises.  Go swimming.  Do strength training.  Practice Muay Thai.   Currently, my left hip and glutes need strengthening.  They stabilize my ankle.  Because of the severity of my injury, many muscles have turned off.  This is my body’s defense mechanism.  It prevents the movement that will incur further injury.  Now that I’m well on my way to recovery, I need to wake these muscles up.  Lots of abductor and external rotation exercises.  I had a pretty good workout at the gym today that include the bike for 15 minutes (ouch my bum was on fire!!), a lot of abdominal exercises, and shadow boxing with three-pound weights to get my heart rate up.   I feel like I could have done more, but by that time my foot was throbbing and I called it quits.  I do what I can to keep it up.  I can’t wait till I can get back to my regular routine.

   My last doctor’s appointment was April 6^th.  Dr. Tejwani says everything looks great!  And I’m ahead of schedule.  Usually people are just getting out of the boot when they see him after 6 weeks of walking.  I ditched it 3 weeks early : ) .  Here’s a picture of my X-Ray.  It’s pretty gnarly.

Oh here’s me and my big sock.  We had some good times.  But our days are over.   

On top of the cool photos, here’s a video of some hip-hop.  Something I put together on the fly.  Feels great to move again. 

Taking it to the next level…

~Amy        

I'm so close!!!

I DANCED TODAY!!!!!  I'm so happy.  I took hip hop today, and was able to stand.  As long as I controlled the landing onto my left foot, I was good to go.  Even though I've had my boot off for a while, putting weight on my foot and moving fast has been a challenge.  I tried to run for the subway the other day, out of instinct, and it felt like my foot was stuck in the mud.  Needless to say, I looked stupid trying to run, leaving the left half of my body behind me.  But lets focus on the positive... I'm getting so much closer to being me again.  It's an interesting notion.  Most people want to be someone else; something they're not.  Right now, I'm striving to be me.  I miss my old self; the life, skills, and talent that I "took for granted."  I use the quotes because I never actually felt I took these things for granted.  I worked really hard to be who I am.  But I never thought it would be taken from me in a matter of seconds.  I'm very excited for what's to come.  I'm going to be a smarter dancer.  More aware and thoughtful.  I can't wait to get back on my feet....for real.


Constantly wanting more.


~Amy  

It's been a while...

It's been a while since my last post.  Here's the update.  I'm walking with 2 sneakers, yes that's 2!  Finally.  I'm able to walk without the crutches, but with a limp.  I carry one around with me just in case I need it.  Sort of like a safety net.  I suspect I will abandon the 1 crutch within the next week or 2.  I'm feeling great, almost human again.  I can walk up with the stairs with no problem, but down I still walk like a toddler.  That's because my range of motion is limited in my left ankle and prevents me from decelerating (slowing down) to the next step.  I took hip hop on Saturday standing!  Lets not get carried away though.  I could stand up.  I do the first half of resistance training standing, but the combo I still need to sit.  I tried standing but my brain would not connect with my foot.  In order to stimulate my nervous system, I sit down and mimic the legs, but do the arms full out.  I'm so close!  I never thought I'd be back in the studio this fast.  It just goes to show you that if you stay active and keep in shape, you'll heal faster.

Striving to be the example

~Amy

Reality Check

Ok…so when I said I was walking I meant I could put weight on it…with the crutches.  I dreamt (before I had my last appointment with the doctor) that I’d ditch the boot and the crutches and be free.  I’d be walking.  I’d be running.  I’d be dancing.  Then reality set it.

It’s just over two months now, and I know I’ve made amazing progress.  But everyone has their days…even me.  Sometimes positivity is exhausting.  I spend all day, everyday, pushing myself to the limit.  It’s time to let go, melt into my bed, and listen to some music.  It’s proven that music therapy aids in easing anxiety and helps you relax.  I even tried meditating earlier today, but definitely need more practice.  Being present and aware.  I don’t do that.  I’m always living in the past, and the future.  “What has happened? “  “What will happen?” Not, “What’s happening right now?”  I’ve started to focus on this more.   It’s time to put the “Present Amy” first.  What do I need?   I agree with you Dave.  I need to take care of my emotional and spiritual self.    

The last few days have been hard.  I’ve felt even more social anxiety then I did before.  I officially walk like an 80-year-old woman.  I don’t go unnoticed on the street.  It’s almost as if I’m better off crutching.  At least then I could fly by people. I'm a serious speed demon.  I’m craving the social connection, the ease of walking down to the deli to get a soda, and COFFEE!  I’m an addict.  Some would say it’s great that I’ve given up this bad habit, but I say boo to you!  I get up early and need to function.  Of course with crutches, I can’t carry anything.  And seriously people, don’t say I can have them put it in a bag.  You try crutching with a hot coffee swinging on your wrist.  All you have to protect yourself is a brown paper bag encased in a flimsy plastic one.  The one time I tried this, I instantly regretted it.  I got upstairs to the gym floor at work, and by the time I got to the break room, half the cup was in the plastic bag.  I was infuriated.  But there is hope!  I have graduated to one crutch and the boot.  I have my left hand free.      

I began an aggressive course of Physical Therapy and have definitely seen progress already…however small it is.  YES!  I can crinkle a towel with my toes.  Not only do I go three times a week, but also I train myself at the gym.  Lots of core and upper body work, as well as waking up my left leg.  Leg lifts for quads, abduction for outer thigh, adduction for inner thigh, leg curls for hamstrings, and hip extensions for glutes.  Swimming has become my cardio as well as therapy.  It’s definitely helping increase my range of motion.  Today was the first day I attempted a hip bridge with weight on both feet (laying supine on the mat, and lift the hips up to the ceiling).   I want to fire up those hammies.  Attempt 1 was ok, with residual knee pain, nothing that stretching my piriformis couldn’t fix (small, but mine’s most likely jacked muscle in the glutes, that is used to externally rotate).  I started to get the hang of it.  I’ve also been shifting my weight back and forth from one foot to the other without shoes on.  I can go a little more each time.  Everyday I see progress. 

For a visual…here is my foot on January 19^th and today, March 1st.  Major difference. 

One step at a time…literally

~Amy     

Freedom

I'm walking...sort of.  According to my doctor I need to slowly rid myself of the crutches and out of the boot.  We'll see how long it takes.  PT Day 1 today, but the real work starts tomorrow.  Always keeping you posted.

One step ahead of the rest


~Amy

Uninhibited

  Hopefully today is my last day crutching.  Strangely, time has seemed to both fly by and crawl.  Is it about to get slower?  I have this image in my mind of myself walking, running, moving, being normal.  Whatever that means.  Normal.
  I was Uptown today and decided my last big adventure would be to "crutch" from 7th avenue to 9th avenue.  Having a particularly rough week; my head spinning with endless thoughts, I tried to hide.  As a New Yorker, I always want to go unnoticed.  I don't want to be bothered.  I throw on my ipod and pretend the world exists around me.  I am the center of the universe.  That's when I'm most Zen.  One of the many reasons why I loved backpacking through Europe...I was a stranger to the city.  I wanted to adapt to my surroundings and explore...uninhibited.   There was nothing holding me back.  Time seemed endless.  It didn't matter.  I was there, in the moment, and present.  This is my meditation.  Thank you Alice, you helped me figure it out.  That's what I've been craving and missing so much.  The ability to walk around the city, listen to music, and clear my head.  I have to be TOO aware when I'm on crutches.  I want to lose myself in the hustle and bustle.  
  So I started on my journey, crossing through midtown (what a nightmare).  I kept my chin down, my hood up, and my ipod on.  Ok maybe it's dangerous, but fuck it.  I do, what I do, when I want to do it.  That's me taking control!  Maybe that's the attitude that landed me here.  I've had some interesting reactions on the street (hence the hiding).  As I made my way across town, an older woman with platinum blond hair and "plastered on" make up (you know that ridiculously dark lip liner) made quite a statement.  She casually said, "You need to walk with a book balanced on your head."  I shot up straight, I felt a rush of heat, my face all flush.  Why am I acting like I'm ashamed of what I've done?  The answer is...I'm not.  I'm proud.  I'm bold.  I'm amazing.  And I'm not going to stop.  I try to be so positive all the time, but I have my days.  But then I remember how much I want this.  The chance to come back smarter and stronger.  Look out fear; here I come...running.

But first I walk.

~Amy

I Want My Big Box of Crayons…

The two-month mark is approaching, tomorrow, February 21.  I have my next appointment on Wednesday with the orthopedist.   I’m feeling all of this anticipation and angst.  Wednesday is so close, yet so far.  The word is; if my fracture has healed, then I’ll leave with a walking cast.  I’m not big on the whole prayer thing…but pray for me.  I need to move on to the next phase!!!!

Thank you March issue of Dance Magazine.  For those of you that don’t read Dance Magazine, it has been in existence since 1927 mostly following ballet and modern dance, keeping you up to date on different dance companies, the latest dance trends and upcoming events.  In this issue there’s an article titled “So You Think You Can…Back Flip?”  Validation!!!!!  Thank you Dance Mag for this article.  It talks about how dancers need to be more versatile in order to land all types of gigs.   The first line of this article has inspired the title of this post, “Dancers today are expected to operate with a full box of crayons, not just a single color. “  It goes on to say, “Versatility is synonymous with marketability…Dancers who train outside their comfort zone multiply opportunities for networking and auditions.”  This is the reason I put myself at risk.  I want to be able to do everything.  My mother is going to cringe when she reads this, but…I won’t let fear stop me.  I’ve learned that I’m human, and can get hurt.  I continue to dream of the things I’m going to do once I’m up and running : )       

Here’s a cute picture of me at work.  Last week, an old woman approached me at the gym and said, “You’d make a great picture.”  I was like, “Excuse me?”  Then she explained that I should have a picture taken with my crutches and shirt that says PERSONAL TRAINER across the back.   Good idea lady!  I’m giving you credit. 

Lastly, the video accompanying this post is one lap in the pool.  Take note of my left leg and how it’s trailing behind my right, yet still going!  I’m shocked to see how well it moves considering my condition.  It’s an amazing workout for me because it’s one of the few ways I can get my heart rate up.  It’s low impact cardio, meaning less pressure on the joints, the water acts as a resistance, and it helps increase the range of motion in my ankle.  I consider it PPT (pre physical therapy).

Two months down, _______  to go.

~Amy