I was Uptown today and decided my last big adventure would be to "crutch" from 7th avenue to 9th avenue. Having a particularly rough week; my head spinning with endless thoughts, I tried to hide. As a New Yorker, I always want to go unnoticed. I don't want to be bothered. I throw on my ipod and pretend the world exists around me. I am the center of the universe. That's when I'm most Zen. One of the many reasons why I loved backpacking through Europe...I was a stranger to the city. I wanted to adapt to my surroundings and explore...uninhibited. There was nothing holding me back. Time seemed endless. It didn't matter. I was there, in the moment, and present. This is my meditation. Thank you Alice, you helped me figure it out. That's what I've been craving and missing so much. The ability to walk around the city, listen to music, and clear my head. I have to be TOO aware when I'm on crutches. I want to lose myself in the hustle and bustle.
So I started on my journey, crossing through midtown (what a nightmare). I kept my chin down, my hood up, and my ipod on. Ok maybe it's dangerous, but fuck it. I do, what I do, when I want to do it. That's me taking control! Maybe that's the attitude that landed me here. I've had some interesting reactions on the street (hence the hiding). As I made my way across town, an older woman with platinum blond hair and "plastered on" make up (you know that ridiculously dark lip liner) made quite a statement. She casually said, "You need to walk with a book balanced on your head." I shot up straight, I felt a rush of heat, my face all flush. Why am I acting like I'm ashamed of what I've done? The answer is...I'm not. I'm proud. I'm bold. I'm amazing. And I'm not going to stop. I try to be so positive all the time, but I have my days. But then I remember how much I want this. The chance to come back smarter and stronger. Look out fear; here I come...running.
But first I walk.
~Amy
No comments:
Post a Comment