Reality Check

Ok…so when I said I was walking I meant I could put weight on it…with the crutches.  I dreamt (before I had my last appointment with the doctor) that I’d ditch the boot and the crutches and be free.  I’d be walking.  I’d be running.  I’d be dancing.  Then reality set it.

It’s just over two months now, and I know I’ve made amazing progress.  But everyone has their days…even me.  Sometimes positivity is exhausting.  I spend all day, everyday, pushing myself to the limit.  It’s time to let go, melt into my bed, and listen to some music.  It’s proven that music therapy aids in easing anxiety and helps you relax.  I even tried meditating earlier today, but definitely need more practice.  Being present and aware.  I don’t do that.  I’m always living in the past, and the future.  “What has happened? “  “What will happen?” Not, “What’s happening right now?”  I’ve started to focus on this more.   It’s time to put the “Present Amy” first.  What do I need?   I agree with you Dave.  I need to take care of my emotional and spiritual self.    

The last few days have been hard.  I’ve felt even more social anxiety then I did before.  I officially walk like an 80-year-old woman.  I don’t go unnoticed on the street.  It’s almost as if I’m better off crutching.  At least then I could fly by people. I'm a serious speed demon.  I’m craving the social connection, the ease of walking down to the deli to get a soda, and COFFEE!  I’m an addict.  Some would say it’s great that I’ve given up this bad habit, but I say boo to you!  I get up early and need to function.  Of course with crutches, I can’t carry anything.  And seriously people, don’t say I can have them put it in a bag.  You try crutching with a hot coffee swinging on your wrist.  All you have to protect yourself is a brown paper bag encased in a flimsy plastic one.  The one time I tried this, I instantly regretted it.  I got upstairs to the gym floor at work, and by the time I got to the break room, half the cup was in the plastic bag.  I was infuriated.  But there is hope!  I have graduated to one crutch and the boot.  I have my left hand free.      

I began an aggressive course of Physical Therapy and have definitely seen progress already…however small it is.  YES!  I can crinkle a towel with my toes.  Not only do I go three times a week, but also I train myself at the gym.  Lots of core and upper body work, as well as waking up my left leg.  Leg lifts for quads, abduction for outer thigh, adduction for inner thigh, leg curls for hamstrings, and hip extensions for glutes.  Swimming has become my cardio as well as therapy.  It’s definitely helping increase my range of motion.  Today was the first day I attempted a hip bridge with weight on both feet (laying supine on the mat, and lift the hips up to the ceiling).   I want to fire up those hammies.  Attempt 1 was ok, with residual knee pain, nothing that stretching my piriformis couldn’t fix (small, but mine’s most likely jacked muscle in the glutes, that is used to externally rotate).  I started to get the hang of it.  I’ve also been shifting my weight back and forth from one foot to the other without shoes on.  I can go a little more each time.  Everyday I see progress. 

For a visual…here is my foot on January 19^th and today, March 1st.  Major difference. 

One step at a time…literally

~Amy